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WHAT DO CANADIANS HAVE TO BE PROUD OF? 1. Smarties 2. Crispy Crunch, Coffee Crisp 3. The size of our footballs fields and one less down 4. Baseball is Canadian 5. Lacrosse is Canadian 6. Hockey is Canadian 7. Basketball is Canadian 8. Apple pie is Canadian 9. Mr. Dress-up kicks Mr. Rogers ass 10. Tim Hortons kicks Dunkin' Donuts ass 11. In the war of 1812, started by America, Canadians pushed the Americans back...past their 'White House'. Then we burned it...and most of Washington, under the command of William Lyon McKenzie who was insane and hammered all the time. We got bored because they ran away, so we came home and partied...Go figure.. 12. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany. 13. We have the largest English population that never ever surrendered or withdrew during any war to anyone, anywhere. 14. Our civil war was a bar fight that lasted a little over an hour. 15. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American mercenary, who slept in and missed the whole thing... but showed up just in time to get caught. 16. We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on. 17. The Hudsons Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth's surface and is still around as the worlds oldest company. 18. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes. 19. We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo. 20. We don't marry our kin-folk. 21. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, insulin, penicillin, zambonis, the telephone and short wave radios that save countless lives each year. 22. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it. 23. A Canadian invented Superman. BUT MOST IMPORTANT! 24. The handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands with mitts on. Oh yeah... and our elections only take one day.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU'RE A CANADIAN You're not offended by the term "HOMO MILK" You understand the phrase "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield." You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars. You drink Pop, not Soda. You know that a Mickey and 2-4's mean, "party at the camp, eh!!!" You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays (not vacation), with good cigars and no Americans. You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway You drive on a highway, not a freeway You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers. You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group. You cried when you heard that "Mr. Dress Up" died. You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada. You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion & more, are Canadians. You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian! You know what a touque is. You design your halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed." You live in a house with no front step, but the door is one meter up from the ground. Your local newspaper covers the national news on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey. You know that the four seasons means: winter, still winter, almost winter, and road work. You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a warm You understand the Labatt Blue commercials. You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan" You perk up when you hear the theme song from "Hockey Night in Canada." You are in grade 12, not the 12th grade. "Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary, and is more polite than,"Huh?" You actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all of your Canadian friends (and then you send them to your American friends just to confuse them...further) (easily done with their leader named after a short wild tree).